Acceptance

 Acceptance has been a hard pill to swallow around here lately. But I think we've had so many pills to take that we're getting better at it. 

I've had to accept the fact that the picture I see in my head will never match my reality. Of course it won't. And honestly, I doubt that I'd want it to. I'm sure that there are some fantasies that are better left as just that. But wow, that's a hard thing for me and sometimes, it still gets a little stuck in my throat. 

I've had to accept that I am NOT getting any younger, and time will march on, whether I'm willing or not.

I've had to accept that a 9 p.m. bedtime is now my new normal... to be fair, any later and I will pay dearly the next day. But this goes back to accepting that I am just plain getting old, no matter how much I try to slam the breaks on. 

I've had to accept that having a spotlessly clean, organized house is not within my power while there are still kids and dogs living with me, and wearing myself out trying to make it so is a waste of time. 

I've had to accept that when hubby says "Get in the bath and stay there until that incense stick is gone," he means it... And, he's right when he says I'll feel better after. (I'm a very quick in and out bath/shower person. I hate feeling like I'm wasting time that could be better spent cleaning, or budgeting, or fixing some problem in the world)

I've had to accept that I simply like being spanked. With a hand, a belt, a bath brush... doesn't matter. I like pain and I've given up trying to figure out why. When I finally caved and mentioned to hubby that labels and boxes, and how to "do it right" wasn't in the cards for us, it was making things worse, we dropped it all and are just doing what feels right instead. And it's working.

I've had to accept that no matter how hard you try, you can't always protect your children from a world that seems determined to hurt them. 

I've had to accept that despite our best efforts to be the best parents ever, that sometimes, actually quite often, we fell short and we weren't the best all the time. 

As for hubby, well, he's still learning to accept that maybe it's okay to kick his parent's voices out of our bedroom. That it's okay to hurt me. That there's a difference between hurt and harm. He's learning to accept that some of the darker thoughts floating through his head are okay. That just because something "unacceptable" turns him on, it does not mean he's just going to go indiscriminately grab some unsuspecting woman on the street and fuck her, or hurt her. He's learning to accept himself and his desires. 

I actually attribute some of this new acceptance to our kids, and not just me trying to corrupt him for 20 years. They're all very open and opinionated on EVERYTHING imaginable. They've bombarded him with so much that he's starting to rethink a lot of long-held beliefs. Often, they go the complete opposite direction of us, but I'm so very glad that we've always allowed them to explore and discuss it all and come to their own conclusions, and will argue their side elequently. We don't always agree, but at least they've got reasons to back up what they believe and not just empty words. They are very much their own people and "society" be damned. They simply don't care what others say or think.